


the separation of crows

by Sierra



Category: Free!
Genre: Drama, M/M, Minor Character Death, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:00:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28604097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sierra/pseuds/Sierra
Summary: If Haru was still water, patient and unyielding and serene, then Rin was a typhoon: never standing still, ever-changing, unpredictable.Rin had always thought of Haru that way; he was untouched by time and circumstance. He was unfaltering against the gentle nudge of change, even with the rippling tides of their lives; he was a rock against which the elements lashed and beat. He was a certainty that Rin counted on, an anchor that he tethered himself to in times of joy, grief, and sorrow. Haru was the source of his own peace, an isolated island where Rin alone could walk its beaches, leaving footsteps along shores that no one else had traversed. He never dwelled on it for long, taking for granted that whatever else changed in the world or his life, Haru would remain just as steadfast as he was stubborn. That much Rin knew and found comfort in.Yet, for the third time that week, Rin again found himself sleepless.
Relationships: Matsuoka Rin/Nanase Haruka
Comments: 3
Kudos: 4





	the separation of crows

**Author's Note:**

> too much tswift + lockdown + fr! road to the world viewing.

__

_March, 2009_

If Haru was still water, patient and unyielding and serene, then Rin was a typhoon: never standing still, ever-changing, unpredictable.

Rin had always thought of Haru that way; he was untouched by time and circumstance. He was unfaltering against the gentle nudge of change, even with the rippling tides of their lives; he was a rock against which the elements lashed and beat. He was a certainty that Rin counted on, an anchor that he tethered himself to in times of joy, grief, and sorrow. Haru was the source of his own peace, an isolated island where Rin alone could walk its beaches, leaving footsteps along shores that no one else had traversed. He never dwelled on it for long, taking for granted that whatever else changed in the world or his life, Haru would remain just as steadfast as he was stubborn. That much Rin knew and found comfort in. 

Yet, for the third time that week, Rin again found himself sleepless. He had been lying awake all night, staring at the ceiling. The digital clock read 3:11 AM as Haru slept soundly beside him, arms wrapped around a throw pillow, his breathing soft and even. He was sleeping as though nothing had even happened, while Rin’s mind raced in endless circles, searching for the answers to questions he didn’t know how to ask, or even have the courage to. 

Rin tilted his head toward Haru with a sigh. He reached out to brush a finger over the slope of Haru’s nose. 

__

_How does it come so easily to you?_ he wondered. _How do you compartmentalize like this? What the hell are we doing to ourselves?_

He drifted back to the fight earlier in the night. It had started—as it always did—with an offhand comment interpreted as a personal attack, and it devolved from there with astounding speed. Rin couldn’t even recall what was said, or who said it. All he knew was that one moment he was unlacing his shoes and the next he had Haru’s shirt clenched in his hands and they were raising their voices until Rin almost had to scream to feel heard. It was become an almost-nightly ritual and now it was interfering with Rin’s sleep patterns. When he did have dreams, they were troubling, disquieting. 

He wasn’t sure he could call what they had a relationship anymore. Haru had carved out a space for himself in Rin’s life, made himself a hidden niche in Rin’s heart. What they had was many things, and had been even more at one time, but peaceful was not now one of them. Peace was a rumour heard in passing, an urban legend, a will-o-the-wisp to be chased but never caught. 

He dozed off sometime after the first traces of sunrise crept behind the shutters, but it didn’t last long. Haru roused a few minutes after his alarm went off, crawling closer to Rin. Blearily, he kissed Rin’s cheek and rolled out of bed, heading for the shower. 

Once the water had been running for a while, Rin sat up. He glanced at his wardrobe, wondering how much he could fit in a duffle bag. He picked up his phone and flipped it open, dialling Sousuke’s number.

Sousuke grunted down the line. “It’s 6:45 in the morning, Rin.”

“It’s important,” Rin hissed, annoyance burning in his tone. 

“Fine.” A yawn. “What’s so important?”

Rin hesitated. 

__

I can’t do this anymore.

This isn’t working.

Everything is different. Nothing makes sense.

Or maybe there was another answer, one Rin wasn’t prepared to examine too closely. 

“I can’t talk,” Rin said under his breath, glancing at the bathroom door. “At least, not right now.”

“You’re the one that called _me_ ,” Sousuke retorted.

“Can you just meet me at lunch? Please, Sousuke.”

“Yeah, fine. My office at 1:30?”

“Yep,” Rin agreed, and hung up without saying goodbye. That had never been his forte. 

A second later, his phone chimed with a message from Sousuke: _you’re paying for lunch for waking me up so early_

Rin rolled his eyes and wrote back: _you were getting up anyway_

__

not the point

Rin thought about firing off another message, but that would only serve as a distraction. He had been distracted for too long already, blind to the obvious but uncomfortable truth. 

His heart heavy, he set about his morning routine as if nothing had ever happened.

\--

That evening, Haru trudged up the stairs to the apartment, fishing the keys out of his pocket. He stopped abruptly on the landing, blinking uncomprehendingly.

“Yamazaki?”

“Hey,” Sousuke said, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Long time, no see.” 

Haru raised a brow, pushing past Sousuke to unlock the door. 

“Rin is at work for another two hours,” he said. “You can wait for him if you want.” 

He waited for a joke at his expense, customary in their interactions over the years. Sousuke was silent, his presence oppressive and suffocating behind Haru.

“I need to talk to you, Nanase.”

Halfway down the hall, Haru turned back, a trace of a frown at his lips. “About?”

Sousuke’s eyes wavered. “Rin.”

The expression on Sousuke’s face was indecipherable. The only part of him that revealed anything was the folded-up square of paper in one of his hands. Haru’s eyes focused on it, his throat dry and constricted. 

“Where is he?”

Another moment of silence. “That doesn’t matter.”

Haru squeezed the keys in his hand tight enough to hurt. “Explain yourself or get out.”

“Sit down,” Sousuke said, his features softening into something that resembled sympathy. 

Hatred for that pitying look on Sousuke’s face, of all people, seized Haru.

\--

_September, 2013_

Rin stood motionless on the sidewalk, watching them empty the house of his mother’s belongings. There was hardly furniture left to take, between what they had sold or given away to make room for hospital equipment and the simplistic, uncluttered way his mother had lived. The removalists, sweating and grunting, manoeuvred the worn leather sofa and the ottoman down the porch steps. Then came the dining table and the chairs where almost every meal of his childhood had taken place, the boxes filled with his mother’s prized porcelain tableware, the television that had seen so much use in the last eighteen months. 

He had to look away, tears stinging at his eyes. He wanted to tell them to be careful, to handle every single item in that house as if it were old, brittle glass, but it was all going straight into storage and would likely never see the light of day again. He wouldn’t have the heart to unpack his mother’s things, to sift through pictures and possessions that had such weight and memory. He would pay for a storage unit for the rest of his life if it meant he didn’t have to face it. Gou would be entrusted with the set of keys and the decision to unearth the past. 

Beside him, she let out a hiccupping sob, clutching at his sleeve. He placed a hand on her head and drew her into him, caressing her hair soothingly as she buried her face in his neck. Dampness spread across his t-shirt. 

Absently Rin wondered how he had kept it together that morning, one painful encounter after the next, blurring together. One decision after another, each made under the strain of loss and the crushing pressure of their shared grief. The property appraisal had at least been solely for the purpose of information, but the realtor handed Rin his card and issued his condolences in a stiff, _no-hurry-but-eventually-you’ll-have-to-make-a-decision-about-this-too_ way. It left Rin feeling like the sharks were circling, but there was no anger left in him.

Gou kept her composure until the meeting with the family lawyer concerning his mother’s will, at which point Rin felt his own resolve crumbling. How could there be so much to do, so many things to take care of when he had just lost his mother? He had barely had a moment to breathe, much less process the loss, but apparently none of these loose ends could wait. Nobody could be expected to make such final decisions when they had been through what Rin had just experienced, and he resented it. 

A knot formed in his stomach as the bedframe was taken from the house. 

“Let’s go,” he mumbled, squeezing Gou’s arm. “We don’t need to see this.”

She nodded, sniffling. “Yeah, okay.”

“I’ll take you home.” Rin pressed a kiss to her forehead and clasped her hand, leading her toward the car. 

She was uncharacteristically quiet until Rin was pulling into her street and turning into the underground parking lot beneath her building. Since their mother died, silence was a source of torment for her. She filled the space with stories from their childhood that made them cry and laugh at the same time, and sometimes she talked seemingly to herself while Rin listened. Other times she drifted back to their high school years, teasing him about his appalling communication skills at the time, his intensity. Today, she had turned inward, and Rin found himself aching for her voice. He’d come to rely on it too. 

“Thanks for taking care of everything,” she said, looking at him, but sounding far away. “I know it’s been so hard on you. I should have—”

“Don’t,” Rin said firmly, slamming the brakes on suddenly. “There’s no manual on how to deal with this shit.”

“Ow!” Gou winced at the pinch of her seatbelt. “Sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Rin pointed out, trying to sound stern and brotherly. Even to his own ears, it was half-hearted, resigned, all of his energy drained earlier in the day. “You did your best and that’s what counts. Okay?”

“Okay,” she agreed. “Do we have another meeting with the lawyer?”

“Yeah.” 

“Should I come?”

Rin shook his head. “I can handle it. I’ll talk to you before we decide what we’re doing with the house.”

He threw the car into reverse and backed up. Gou slapped a hand over her mouth at the scrape of the car’s tailgate on brick, stifling a giggle. “You’re parked in my neighbour’s car space.”

Rin cringed. “You could have said something!”

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://sierrasuke.tumblr.com/) ◇ [twitter](https://twitter.com/sierrasuke)


End file.
